Suicidal Poem?

before you go on to tell me "you need help", just chillax cus most of the things i wroite are from a perspective. so anyways, i just want some reasonable opinions... not stupid comments like emo this emo that. please! it's annoying to even see tht word. well anyways, i personally don't feel like it's my best or strongest, but people have told me diff things about it.





you've popped your collar


now start above its bone


you refuse to think it through,


you know you're all alone





a careful opening is in place


you shan’t let your shirt soak spills.


this is the start of a clean slate


a dose more effective than your medical pills





you’ve got it at a fixture,


yet it runs no further


which will hit the ground,


the knife or your life?

Suicidal Poem?
Your poem is exceptionally good.


I like the imagery and the ritualistic of the act.


the first two paragraphs almost in a couplet, however, you broke your rules with your last paragraph, and it just got awkward. Still it has good images, which is more important.





In your second paragraph "you shan’t let your shirt soak spills.


this is the start of a clean slate," I am having problem in making sense to it. I might be understanding it incorrectly, but it somewhat contradict the purpose with the deed. It might just me, not understanding it.





What I think the other person is criticising about, although not communicated clearly, is that you have this poetry about killing oneself, but we don't know why. Is the person in pain or in fear? The main question we usually asked about stories or prose is "Why should we care?" Hamlet ponders on killing himself - we care because we see how trouble he is with his mother and uncle marriage and the death of his father. He is also afraid of the ghost of his father.





I especially like the knife or life ending. But since you made it seem important, the knife with life, you might put the knife somewhere in the beginning, rather than just for rhyming.





Things to think about.





You have a good start, and like all poetries, "it is never finish," (lots of editing and revising) "only abandoned." (Paul Valery).





You seem to be an angry writer, that might be a advantage trait for you as an artist - in my opinion.
Reply:its quite good.
Reply:I don't really like the way it's written, it's not cause of the subject.


That's just my opinion.


Nice:)
Reply:pretty good
Reply:its basically okay but "you've popped your collar" ...popped??


this ,i don't think is an appropriate beginning for a suicidal poem.....again "a careful opening"???


"start of a clean slate"??





its good ...real deep but i don't quite understand parts of it...





anyway keep writing :)
Reply:its touching, but if i were going to kill myself i would use a shotgun in my mouth. I also like the use of the word "shan't"
Reply:This is just awful. If you don't even feel this way then why are you writing in this stupid worthless format and subject. The rhymes are forced and the rhythm is terrible.





If you are writing empathetically about a person about to commit suicide (which I wouldn't recommend) why do you go into none of their feelings.





I really hope this isn't your best, if it is, stop writing. I could go on, but I have better things to do.
Reply:I think it's really good.


Where do you come up with this kinda stuff?


It's awesome!
Reply:I think this is an exceptional poem. Well written and well thought out.
Reply:I really like it as i like dark poetry .
Reply:i thought it was a great poem but i had a problem with the word shan't, my eyes kept focusing in on it when i was reading the poem. Keep up the good work